CryptoReality Dictionary of Crypto Terminology

Initially Developed and Curated by AmericanScream.

This is the original/source version – last Updated 1/3/24

If you would like to help build our snarky-yet-accurate dictionary of crypto terminology, email info at ioradio period org.

Attestation – A half-assed type of “audit” which is ultimately meaningless, only confirms for a moment in time, what somebody tells you is what they told you. Often used in stablecoin scams relating to claims of assets.
Bagholder – Originally a derogatory term from the finance world to indicate the sucker who ended up stuck with a worthless un-sellable asset. Used within the crypto-sphere by holders to brag unironically about the amount of crypto coins they hold. (courtesy of /u/LQ_Weevil)
BAYC (Bored Ape Yacht Club) – See also: NFTs, Crypto Scheme. A semi-popular NFT collection, like most NFT collections, which consists of a computer-generated array of random low resolution character figures, in this case bored looking apes, that are hyped as the next big cool thing to own. Ownership is rumored to get you into special parties where you’ll be surrounded by narcissistic, insuffrable man-children who won’t stop talking about crypto. Notable celebrities who have been given NFTs in exchange for promoting them to gullible fools include: Paris Hilton, Jimmy Fallon, DJ Khaled and other influencers who care more about money and attention than their long term reputations.
Bitcoin (BTC) – Originally a theoretical concept for using an inefficient write-only database to track numbers representing a de-flationary store of value, but later re-branded as “digital gold” and turned into a Ponzi scheme. Bitcoin has also forked into multiple versions, all of which share the same basic characteristics, but have different groups of people behind their exploitation.
Bitcoin Cash (BCH) – A fork of bitcoin that allows for a slightly higher block size, so that proponents can declare it’s the “real Bitcoin” that can handle lots of transactions. (What they mean is if it gets popular, it breaks down in 1 week instead of traditional Bitcoin breaking down in 1 day. Still incredibly inefficient, non-scalable and inferior to non-blockchain tech).
Bitcoin SV (BSV, Satoshi’s Vision) – Yet another 21 million “bitcoins” that some people argue is the original bitcoin fork. See BTC, BCH, etc. It’s hard to claim Bitcoin is scarce when there are so many copies of it and people arguing over which one is the real “bitcoin.”
Bitfinex – A Crypto Exchange owned and operated by iFinex Inc registered in the British Virgin Islands, that has been hacked multiple times, has questionable if any legitimate banking connections, and has been routinely accused of wash trading and market manipulation, due to among other things, their direct ties to Tether. It’s CEO is someone named “JL van der Velde” about whom very little is actually known. Because in the world of de-centralization, accountability and reputation is irrelevant.
Blockchain – The name given to an outdated, obsolete database technology that was codified by Bitcoin creator, Satoshi Nakamoto. Blockchain is an encrypted write-only linked-list style database that uses cryptographic signatures to verify the data initially input has not been changed at any time. The data is then spread across multiple “nodes” who solve complex puzzles to race to complete each new block in the database. In fairness calling “blockchain” a database is not very accurate. It’s more like a “log file” that is cryptographically signed. Unfortunately, this style of data storage is not very practical, and incredibly slow. For more see this article on blockchain technology.
Blockchain “features” – These are entirely new, and often serious issues that are created via the use of Blockchain that are often a result of Blockchain’s inherent design, as a result of their inability to be addressed, they’re written off as “features” instead. For example, blockchain is a public record, which means a person’s financial transactions are not private. Crypto-bros call this a “feature” instead of the liability it really is.
Blockchaining – Slang term that refers to the act of gratuitously lying or making false or misleading claims. “Don’t pay any attention to CNBC’s claims about the central bank supposedly endorsing crypto. That’s just them blockchaining again.“
Blocklist (aka blocklisting/blacklisting) – The process of running to centralized authorities to censor and restrict someone else’s crypto wallets and money. Usually preceeded by someone championing the value of “de-centralization” then getting ripped off and begging central authorities to help.
Bridge – In crypto, a bridge refers to a smart contract that holds crypto hostage on one blockchain while releasing it on another, to allow crypto to appear to be “moved” from one blockchain to another. Since crypto can’t really move from one blockchain to another, the held crypto becomes a prime target for thieves who target poorly-written blockchain code. See Blockchain bridges: how the smart contract piñata works, and why bridges keep getting hacked Many bridges also exist because crypto technology isn’t scalable enough to meet demand without being unreasonably expensive and slow, so add-on hacks like bridges are added to offload transactions.
Butters (aka Bitcoiners) – A condescending yet appropriate name given to people who are into crypto, coined by the users of /r/Buttcoin, may have originated from this notable comedy skit
Buzzword – A term that is fabricated, for which there’s already existing terminology available, but created to confuse people and make them think something is new or innovative, when in reality it isn’t. See also: Just about every entry in this dictionary.
CEX (Centralized Exchange) – See “Crypto Exchange” – Another completely useless buzzword to make crypto things sound more cool than they really are.
Coiner – See also: Ponzi Schemer. A person who likes to play with crypto currencies. What they lack in knowledge of finance, government, economics and investing, is compensated for by a depth of skill in MS Paint and Internet memes.
Consensus – A mechanism that many crypto/DAO projects claim they embrace that emulates some sort of democratic-style decision making. In reality it’s just another form of centralized control since usually the mechanism for determining consensus is 1 token=1 vote, which means whoever controls the most tokens, controls the system.
Constitution DAO – A crypto scheme that purported to be formed to purchase a historical copy of the US Constitution (and allowing the DAO to decide what to do with that acquisition to some degree), collecting millions of dollars, and eventually losing out in the auction. People later found out the organization was hastily conceived with no real details on how it was to actually operate, which apparently didn’t dissuade greater fools from buying into the scheme. Nobody is really sure what’s being done with the organization at this point since it failed at its primary purpose.
Cost Basis – This is the amount of real money spent to acquire fake money.
Crypto Bro – A person who is into crypto currencies and related schemes and is thus compelled to incessantly talk about how “awesome” it is, trying to recruit greater fools into the scheme. Ask a Crypto Bro what crypto can do and they’ll tell you it will solve every problem. (See also: Maximalist, Incel, Narcissist, Sociopath, Ponzi Schemer, MLM, Network Marketing)
Cryptocurrency – A digital token, with no intrinsic value, tracked on the blockchain, that randomly alternates between aspiring to be an extremely inefficient type of digital currency, and an extremely risky “investment.” When used as a currency, crypto is exponentially less efficient, more volatile, more fraud prone, less-user-friendly, and slower than existing digital payment systems. When used as an investment security, crypto becomes a ponzi scheme.
Crypto Exchange – A business operation, usually run by shady people with minimal credibility or expertise in the finance industry, often headquartered in obscure island nations where taxation, regulation, oversight and fraud protection is largely nonexistent. Crypto exchanges are often treated as if they were banks or traditional financial exchanges, but they’re not and almost never hold appropriate licensing comparable to mainstream operations. They enjoy very little oversight, transparency, regulation, and accountability. Exchanges facilitate trading activity between different tokens and monetary systems, often involving automated bots and market manipulation. Their operations are off-chain, centralized and not subject to much scrutiny or transparency.
Cryptoland – A hilarious attempt to scam people into thinking an island in Fiji would become a haven for crypto-bros. Mired in controversy over IP infringement and age-of-consent questions. The island supposedly “purchased” by crypto people still appears to be on the market, and some speculate it’s merely a scheme to sell NFTs.
Crypto Maximalist – A person who has lost all sense of connection with the real world and believes crypto, usually Bitcoin, will solve all the world’s problems and encourages everybody to buy/hold as much as possible. See also: lunatic, sunk cost fallacy, sociopath.
Crypto-Scheme – The process of creating yet another project involving crypto that doesn’t offer anything new, nor innovative, but incorporates a way for devs and early adopters to fleece money from later adopters before it eventually collapses, exit-scams or “gets hacked.” In order for the crypto industry to appear vibrant, every few months another crypto-scheme is trotted out, presenting the illusion that there is progress in this industry and distracting people from previous schemes that have failed to deliver. (See also: NFT, DAO, dApps, DeFi, FinTech, ICP, Web3, Staking, Smart Contracts, etc.)
DAO (De-centralized Autonomous Organization) – Another crypto buzzword for a scheme to monetize/tokenize the formation of some sort of group with anywhere from a specific to completely non-specific purpose. DAOs are another scheme to sell crypto tokens. They claim to offer some type of “consensus” mechanism for making decisions but it’s rarely fair or democratic. It’s usually whoever controls the most tokens, controls the group and everybody else is along for the ride. Some DAOs claim to only allow 1 person = 1 vote, but when combined with the fact that participants in the organization are by design “anonymous” it’s impossible to enforce such a rule, which means, it’s just another scheme where the devs/early adopters hookwink greater fools. For examples see “Constitution DAO”.
dApp (De-centralized Application) – An inferior copy of an existing application, with crypto/blockchain shoved into it, commonly associated with “Web3” which is an inferior copy of existing web technology with crypto/blockchain shoved into it. The integration of crypto/blockchain primarily serves as a get-rich-quick vehicle for devs and early adoptors and otherwise does not in any way enhance the app’s utility.
DCA (Dollar Cost Averaging) – This is a technique whereby crypto enthusiasts amplify their losses as a result of the Sunk Cost Fallacy, by continuing to buy crypto even when its cost basis is down.
De-Centralization – A term that is used to convey a magical fantasy scenario, where everything is supposed to be better, but nobody can explain exactly how or why? Also, devoid of regulation, ethics, accountability, etc. De-centralization is the “gold leaf/lump crabmeat” of finance/libertarianism/Austrian economics; add it to any process and you can charge gullible people more.
De-Fi (De-centralized Finance) – See also “buzzwords”. A misleading term that was create to make the process of gambling with leveraged/staked crypto sound more like finance and less like gambling.
DEX (De-centralized Exchange) – See “Crypto Exchange” – There’s no substantive operational difference between what people call centralized and de-centralized exchanges. Some people just like to use the term “de-centralized” on everything to make it sound more hip. Some people argue if an exchange is operated by smart contracts it’s more “de-centralized” but they ignore the fact that those smart contracts are written by central authorities.
DYOR – An acronym traditional known as, “Do Your Own Research”, but when used by crypto bros it means, “I have no idea what I’m talking about, but am unwilling to admit it so I’m going to tell you look it up yourself.”
ETF – Acronym for “Exchange Traded Fund” in Traditional Finance, but in the world of crypto it means, “Institutional adoption imminent! We’re all going to get rich AF! Pay no attention to the last thing we got excited about that failed miserably. This is the new thing that’s going to finally take crypto mainstream!”
ETH (Ethereum) – A type of crypto currency that boasts a new feature called, “smart contracts” that can automate the process of defrauding people of money.
DAO Hack – A historical event that happened on the Ethereum blockchain where several novel things happened: 1. Hackers stole millions of tokens everybody thought were safe and secure, and 2. The “immutable” blockchain was changed by central authorities.
Diamond Hands – A slang term for people who buy securities and then refuse to sell regardless of market conditions or the fact they may have been hoodwinked into a bad investment. The premise is, ignore the price now, just keep holding and one day you’ll be rich. See also: Suicide Prevention Hotline
Dunning Krugerand – See Coiner, Crypto-Maximalist, Libertarian, Objectivist, Anarcho Capitalist, Minarchist.
Dusting Attack – A technique whereby malicious actors send small amounts of crypto to a person’s wallet in an effort to track their true identity. Crypto has no facility to authorize deposits (see: Blockchain “feature”) therefore anybody can “dust” someone else’s wallet to tag and track its activity. This is an invasion of privacy that is a side effect of the crappy blockchain design.
Elon Musk – Rich kid from South Africa who became even richer buying into other peoples’ successful businesses and taking credit for them. Sanctioned by the SEC for securities fraud, Musk continues his main vocation of being a professional troll on social media, routinely making tweets about various shitcoins and making his army of lemmings buy/sell causing crazy price fluctuations. Elon has arguably leveraged the integrity of one of his companies, Tesla to gamble in the crypto market.
Hacked – What inevitably happens to a sizable percentage of exchanges and crypto holders. This process involves waking up one day and realizing your “money” is gone and there’s very little you can do about it but whine into cyberspace. This is a built-in “feature” of “de-centralization” and blockchain. See also: “Rugpull”
HFSP (Have Fun Staying Poor) – A common salutation offered by coiners to no-coiners as a way to convince themselves they’re rich and anybody who disagrees is not. It’s the crypto equivalent of, “May god have mercy on your soul” that religious people use to politely tell others they can fuck right off.
HODL (Hold on for dear life) – A slang term for holding a stock or crypto token. Used as a meme to manipulate markets by encouraging the notion that it’s “cool” to not do research, and ignore whether your investment is a disaster. This tactic is a principal component of keeping Ponzi schemes and market manipulation efforts from collapsing. See also Diamond Hands.
Inflation – In economic circles this relates to a general overall increase in prices for products and services. The cause for inflation can be any of a thousand factors, from industrial/economic market changes, manufacturing resource scarcity, employment/wage issues, to supply/demand and logistics problems. In the context of crypto enthusiasts, “inflation” only has one cause: government printing money, and supposedly their alternative currency will fix this. They are delusional and ignorant of how government and economies actually work.
Lambo (Lambourghini) – Italian sports car that is revered as a superficial display of wealth and success in the crypto market. Almost always rented or borrowed and falsely claimed to be owned by crypto-maximalists.
Liquidity – The actual amount of real money in a market. No actual relation to market cap or the published prices for crypto advertised by crypto exchanges. One of the most elusive and rare things in any crypto market. Arguably non-existent.
Matt Damon – A once-respected Hollywood actor who tarnished his reputation by shilling Ponzi schemes. See also: Jimmy Fallon.
Michael Saylor (aka “Jabba the Butt” for his obnoxious video monologues) – Outspoken Bitcoin maximalist that routinely goes on social media encouraging people to mortgage their homes and sell plasma to buy as much Bitcoin as possible. CEO of MicroStrategy, some sort of tech company that doesn’t seem to do much any more except operate as a public shell for Saylor’s crypto schemes. Saylor has been sanctioned by the SEC for securities fraud in the past.
Mt Gox – One of the very first crypto exchanges, that was a repurposed Magic The Gathering trading card web site. Also involved in the first pumping of BTC using market manipulation. The exchange eventually collapsed.
NFT (Non-Fungable Token) – See also: “Crypto-Scheme”. A Crypto-Scheme that involves promoting the illusion of selling art, when in fact, no actual art is being sold but instead digital receipts that likely convey to actual rights to anything other than a mark on a certain blockchain. Often times NFTs are wash traded to pump up their value before unsuspecting greater fools waste their money thinking these are “investments.” NFTs are basically the monetization of “popularity” and equally as shallow and fleeting.
No-Coiner – Someone who understands finance, economics and investing and realizes that crypto is primarily a ponzi scheme and wants no part of it. Often mischaracterized as someone who is jealous of crypto-enthusiasts, or who has lost out on the “opportunity” and is “butthurt.” No-Coiners are more often than not, far more successful and rich than Coiners despite the allegations otherwise.
NYKNYC (Not Your Keys, Not Your Coins) – A common saying by crypto-enthusiasts reminding people that if your crypto is not in a wallet that you exclusively control, that crypto does not belong to you, and it can be stolen at any time and there’s very little you can do about it.
NYFNYV (Not Your Fiat, Not Your Value) – A response to NYKNYC reminding crypto holders that their holdings in crypto have absolutely no value until/IF they can actually be cashed out. Measuring the value of crypto in fiat is completely useless and misleading. The moment you buy crypto, you lose 100% of your value. You only get to determine if you have a return, when you sell.
OpenSea – A crypto exchange that helped usher in the NFT Ponzi scheme and whose principals were caught manipulating the market.
Open Source – A type of software where [some version of] the source code is publicly available. Crypto people assume all open source code is magically secure and reliable because, well, while they have no idea how to audit code, somebody somewhere must have looked at it, right? Right?
Paper Hands – A derogatory term for someone who doesn’t unconditionally hold bad investments, and instead attempts to limit their losses. A process that can, if done en masse, expose Ponzi schemes and market manipulation.
Play-To-Earn – A scheme to entice gullible users to play games in return for useless crypto. See also: Sunk Cost.
Proof of Stake – A mechanism by which whoever has the most money (as expressed in crypto tokens) has the most influence over the blockchain. This was a response to the energy inefficiency of Proof of Work, substituting two problems for one problem.
Proof of Work – A contest whereby computers, mostly in third-world countries and banana republics, steal electricity and compete to see who can waste the most energy guessing a number so they can get a crypto reward. This mechanism insures that whoever has access to the most resources can control the blockchain.
Rugpull – When a Crypto operation executes the final phase of its plan, running off with everybody’s money and closing shop. See also “Hacked.”
Shill – Someone who doesn’t stop talking/writing about crypto, obsessed with defending any criticism by regurgitating one of a half-dozen commonly-debunked pro-crypto talking points. Often knows very little about crypto beyond those inaccurate cliches (“de-centralized”, “best performing asset of all time”, “un-stoppable”, “de-flationary”, “immutable” etc.)
Satoshi Nakamoto – A pseudonym for the person who originally wrote the bitcoin white paper and conceived the idea for bitcoin and blockchain. Many speculate why he dropped out the public many years ago, and some people argue whether he’s living or dead, and some people pretend to be him but nobody has actually proven this, which could be done if any of the crypto associated with him, were suddenly accessed and moved. We prefer to think Satoshi became embarrassed at how many criminals and charlatans glomed onto his once-innocent tech prototype, and turned it into a Ponzi scheme and means to launder money and buy illegal drugs.
TradFi – A slang term for “Traditional Finance”, that shady cabal of banks and financial institutions who perpetrate horrible stuff like give you a loan to buy a house, invest in actual legitimate businesses, and have a credit card.
SFYL (Sorry For Your Loss) – A common way to greet Crypto Enthusiasts and/or react to news of their latest “investment.”
Smart Contract – See: Buzzword. A very limited script (computer program) that can perform some rudimentary functions on blockchain transactions & data. Smart Contracts are neither “smart” (a typical web page is exponentially more powerful and functional) nor are they “contracts.” They are often filled with bugs or back doors and can be used to steal other peoples’ money and crypto. The term originated with the Ethereum protocol/blockchain, which expanded upon the basic blockchain design by adding basic IF-THEN statements that can be executed, often written by anonymous shady characters, very rarely properly audited and verified as safe or legitimate.
Staking – Another technique for keeping people from trying to cash out their crypto, thus keeping the Ponzi going. In this case, in return for not selling and locking up your crypto, you are promised anywhere from small to large extra returns of crypto, which is also worthless until cashed out. Note that at any time, due to the nature of the market, the crypto you stake as well as anything you make, is more likely to disappear than ever turn into something of actual value.
Sockpuppet – An alternate account somebody uses to make social media threads appear to have more interest and activity than is normal. It’s estimated the majority of crypto social media activity is perpetrated by a small number of players with a large array of sockpuppet alts that make their community look larger than it really is.
Suicide Prevention Hotline – An important resource for people who have put more money into crypto than they can afford to lose.
Sunk Cost – A fallacy that involves people believing that if they’ve wasted a certain amount of money on a stupid venture, it somehow makes sense to continue wasting more money rather than acknowledge the reality of the situation.
Tether – aka USDT. Phony crypto-monopoly money used in place of fiat to pump up the value of other crypto securities. Tether is rumored to only be 3% asset backed, has never been audited and is run by a guy named Paolo, and “on paper” is supposed to be holding more assets in reserve than most small countries. It’s all fantasy.
Vitalik Buterin – World of Warcraft gamer and rapper, who created a version of crypto called “Ethereum” that accidentally became popular. Today he’s one of the pied pipers of a crypto scheme that boosts “innovative” technology such as “smart contracts” which allow a certain automation of crypto grifting previously unavailable in Bitcoin.
Venture Philanthropy – A buzzword popular in the crypto community as a means to suggest if you make these people rich, they promise to put some of their money into another scheme they have interest in that they rationalize is an altruistic action. See also: Malignant Narcissism and Orwell’s 1984.
WAGMI (We’re All Gonna Make It) – A desperate, insincere and ironic affirmation commonly shared among coiners and crypto-maximalists. See also: Fox News “Fair and Balanced”
Wash Trading – The process by which much of the value of crypto tokens and other schemes get their published values. This involves phony trades, often initiated by computerized aribrage bots that buy and sell securities back and forth in order to create the illusion of demand and artificially drive the price up. This is illegal in standard financial markets but since there’s no oversight in crypto, it’s rampant.
Web3 – A made up buzzword to describe a series of web-based applications that are slower, more-centralized, less-productive versions of existing web-based applications that have token monetization shoehorned into them, as if everybody thinks having to pay per transaction for web services like they do crypto transactions is “the future?”